Understanding Boundary Styles
We all have boundaries—some are strong and clear, others may be too loose or too strict. Understanding your style helps you make healthier choices in relationships.
Rigid Boundaries
Definition: Rigid boundaries are like walls—too high, too thick, and often meant to keep others out. They may develop from past hurt, trauma, or fear of vulnerability.
Signs of Rigid Boundaries:
Avoids closeness or emotional sharing
Doesn’t ask for help or accept support
Appears detached or “shut down”
Struggles to trust others
Refuses to forgive or let people in
Examples:
“I don’t tell anyone how I feel.”
“I handle everything myself.”
“I don’t need anyone.”
Porous Boundaries
Definition: Porous boundaries are too open—allowing too much in, often at the expense of your own well-being.
Signs of Porous Boundaries:
Difficulty saying “no”
Overshares personal information
Overinvolved in others’ problems
People-pleasing or seeking approval
Takes responsibility for others’ feelings
Examples:
“I don’t want to upset them, so I just agree.”
“I always put others first, even when I’m exhausted.”
“I feel guilty when I set limits.”
Healthy Boundaries
Definition: Healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. They protect your needs while respecting others.
Signs of Healthy Boundaries:
Can say “yes” and “no” without guilt
Shares personal info appropriately
Communicates needs and feelings clearly
Values self-care and mutual respect
Lets others have their own feelings and choices
Examples:
“I’m not available right now, but I can talk tomorrow.”
“I care about you, but I need time for myself.”
“I’m not okay with that, and I want to talk about it.”Reflection:
Which style do you relate to most in your relationships?
With family: ___________________
With friends: ___________________
At work: ______________________
You may have different boundaries in different areas—and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s awareness and progress.
Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like help setting boundaries.
