How To Stop Being Judgmental

Being judgmental often stems from inner pain, fear, or unmet needs, and it's a protective behavior more than a moral flaw. The good news is, similar to breaking a habit, you can unlearn it, and here’s how:

Understand Where It Comes From

Judgment is often a projection—we judge in others what we can’t accept or feel insecure about in ourselves.

Ask yourself:

• What does judging this person protect me from feeling?

• Is there a part of me I’m hard on in the same way?

Judging others can be a way to:

• Feel superior or safe

• Avoid your own vulnerability

• Cope with anxiety or disappointment

Practice Curiosity Over Criticism

Judgment is closed. Curiosity is open.

Swap:

• ❌ “Why would she do that?”

• ✅ “I wonder what made her respond that way.”

Curiosity invites empathy and understanding. Even if you disagree, you begin to see the human beneath the behavior.

Notice Your Inner Critic

Often, judgment toward others mirrors harshness toward yourself.

Ask:

• How do I speak to myself when I mess up?

• What standards do I impose on myself and others?

• Am I trying to feel “good enough” by comparing?

Healing your inner critic softens your view of others.

Pause and Reflect Before Reacting

You don’t have to act on every judgmental thought.

Try this:

• Notice the thought: “I’m judging right now.”

• Pause and breathe.

• Ask: What’s really going on in me right now?

This creates space between the thought and your response.

Practice Compassion (Even When You Don’t Feel It)

You don’t have to agree with someone’s choices to respond with compassion.

Try silently saying:

• “They’re doing the best they can with what they know.”

• “They have a story I don’t know.”

Compassion is a muscle that grows with practice.

Redirect the Energy

Judgment is often fueled by stress, perfectionism, or emotional discomfort. Instead of judging:

• Name your feeling: “I feel uncomfortable, irritated, insecure...”

• Get curious about your need: “What do I need right now? Connection? Reassurance? Control?”

Redirect the energy toward self-awareness and regulation.

Surround Yourself with Nonjudgmental Models

Spend time with people who embody compassion and openness. Their presence can shift how you relate to yourself and others.

Books, podcasts, or spiritual practices (like mindfulness or loving-kindness meditation) can also reinforce this shift.

Forgive Yourself When You Judge

You will still judge sometimes—you're human. What matters most is how you respond to that awareness.

When you catch yourself judging:

• Pause

• Reflect

• Re-center

Progress is more important than perfection.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like to explore where your judgmental patterns might come from personally.

Dealing With Rigid Boundaries

Dealing with someone who has rigid boundaries can be frustrating, especially when you're trying to build connection, flexibility, or collaboration. Rigid boundaries often come from fear, past trauma, control needs, or a strong sense of self-protection. Here’s a breakdown of how to approach it with empathy without giving up your own needs:

What Rigid Boundaries Might Look Like:

• Refusing to compromise or negotiate

• Withdrawing instead of engaging

• Avoiding vulnerability or emotional intimacy

• Overly strict about roles, expectations, or space

• Dismissing your needs or feedback

Understand What’s Driving the Rigidity

People with rigid boundaries are often protecting themselves from:

• Being overwhelmed

• Feeling out of control

• Fear of enmeshment or abandonment

• Past experiences where their boundaries were violated

Tip: Treat the boundary like a defense mechanism, not a character flaw.

Stay Grounded in Your Own Boundaries

Don’t collapse your needs to “accommodate” theirs. Instead:

• Clarify your own values and boundaries

• Stay emotionally regulated

• Avoid getting pulled into power struggles

You can say:

“I respect that you need space/time/structure—and I also need space to express how this impacts me.”

Use Collaborative, Non-Threatening Language

When people feel safe, they’re more likely to soften.

Instead of:

• “You’re being inflexible”
  Try:

• “I’m wondering if we can explore a middle ground that works for both of us.”

• “Would you be open to talking about this with curiosity, not pressure?”

Keep it curious, not corrective.

Acknowledge Their Boundary First

This helps them feel seen, which increases the chance they’ll soften over time.

“I can tell it’s really important to you to protect your time/space/energy. I’m not trying to take that away—I just want to better understand how we can stay connected too.”

Be Patient, but Don’t Self-Abandon

If this is someone you have to keep engaging with (partner, co-parent, family), remember:

• Change takes time—especially if their boundaries are trauma-based.

• You can honor their limits without tiptoeing around them.

• If their rigidity becomes controlling, punishing, or dismissive, it's okay to say:

“I respect your boundary, but I also need relationships where there's mutual flexibility and care. I’m not asking you to change overnight—but I do need us to talk about how we relate.”

If It’s Toxic Rigidity (Stonewalling, Control, Dismissiveness):

You may need firmer action:

• Set consequences: “If you shut down every time I express a need, I’ll need to pause these conversations.”

• Use support systems: therapy, mediation, or distance if needed.

• Protect your mental health.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like help dealing with a person who has rigid boundaries.

Understanding Boundary Styles

We all have boundaries—some are strong and clear, others may be too loose or too strict. Understanding your style helps you make healthier choices in relationships.

Rigid Boundaries

Definition: Rigid boundaries are like walls—too high, too thick, and often meant to keep others out. They may develop from past hurt, trauma, or fear of vulnerability.

Signs of Rigid Boundaries:

• Avoids closeness or emotional sharing

• Doesn’t ask for help or accept support

• Appears detached or “shut down”

• Struggles to trust others

• Refuses to forgive or let people in

Examples:

“I don’t tell anyone how I feel.”
“I handle everything myself.”
“I don’t need anyone.”

Porous Boundaries

Definition: Porous boundaries are too open—allowing too much in, often at the expense of your own well-being.

Signs of Porous Boundaries:

• Difficulty saying “no”

• Overshares personal information

• Overinvolved in others’ problems

• People-pleasing or seeking approval

• Takes responsibility for others’ feelings

Examples:

“I don’t want to upset them, so I just agree.”
“I always put others first, even when I’m exhausted.”
“I feel guilty when I set limits.”

Healthy Boundaries

Definition: Healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. They protect your needs while respecting others.

Signs of Healthy Boundaries:

• Can say “yes” and “no” without guilt

• Shares personal info appropriately

• Communicates needs and feelings clearly

• Values self-care and mutual respect

• Lets others have their own feelings and choices

Examples:

“I’m not available right now, but I can talk tomorrow.”
“I care about you, but I need time for myself.”
“I’m not okay with that, and I want to talk about it.”

Reflection:

Which style do you relate to most in your relationships?

• With family: ___________________

• With friends: ___________________

• At work: ______________________

You may have different boundaries in different areas—and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s awareness and progress.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like help setting boundaries.

How To Break A Habit

Breaking a habit—especially one that’s been around for a while—takes awareness, intentional effort, and consistency. Whether the habit is behavioral (like people-pleasing, procrastination, or emotional eating) or more subtle (like negative self-talk), here’s a step-by-step framework that actually works:

Identify the Habit Loop

Most habits follow this cycle:

• Cue → Routine/Behavior → Reward

Example:

• Cue: Feeling anxious

• Routine: Scroll social media for distraction

• Reward: Temporary relief

Tip: Write down your habit. What triggers it? What feeling, situation, or time of day?

Understand the Why

What does this habit give you? Even harmful habits serve a purpose (comfort, escape, connection, control). Knowing the emotional or psychological reward helps you find a healthier substitute.

Ask yourself:

• What am I avoiding or soothing with this?

• What need is this meeting?

Interrupt the Pattern

You don’t have to get it right every time—just disrupt the loop.

Try:

• Delaying the habit (e.g., “I’ll do it in 10 minutes”)

• Changing your environment (move your phone, take a walk)

• Pausing to breathe before reacting

The brain learns that it has options, not just automatic behaviors.

Replace, Don’t Just Remove

Your brain craves the reward. Replace the old habit with something that gives a similar emotional payoff, but in a healthier way.

Example:

• Old: Venting aggressively when stressed

• New: Journaling or going for a run

Important: The new habit needs to be realistic and rewarding—not punishment.

Use Tiny, Consistent Changes

Big overhauls often fail. But small, consistent shifts stick.

• Use habit stacking: Add a new habit to an existing one.

  • “After I brush my teeth, I’ll write one sentence in my journal.”

• Keep it simple and achievable.

Track Progress and Triggers

Awareness = power. Use a habit tracker, journal, or app to:

• Celebrate small wins

• Notice when you're most vulnerable

• Reflect on what’s working

Reframe Setbacks

You will slip up. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s resilience.

Instead of, “I failed,” try:

• “What triggered me?”

• “What can I learn from this?”

• “How can I respond differently next time?”

Get Support and Accountability

Habits are often relational—formed in response to others or reinforced socially.

Try:

• Talking to a friend or therapist

• Joining a group

• Asking someone to check in with you

Contact Bee Blissful today if you need help breaking a habit.