What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of couples therapy developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. IRT focuses on healing childhood wounds and transforming conflict into connection in adult romantic relationships. It's designed to help partners deepen intimacy, resolve conflict, and heal relational wounds by understanding each other’s emotional experiences—especially those rooted in childhood.

Here’s a breakdown of the core concepts and tools used in Imago:

Core Concepts/ Core Principles:

1. The Imago:
   Latin for "image," the Imago is the unconscious image of the people who influenced you most strongly during childhood - usually early caregivers. According to IRT, we’re drawn to partners who resemble this imago and reflect both the positive and negative traits of those early relationships because our unconscious mind is seeking healing through the relationship. This creates the potential for growth and re-wounding.

2. Unconscious Relationship Dynamics
   Many romantic conflicts stem from unresolved childhood wounds. Your partner can unknowingly trigger those wounds, leading to reactive behavior. Imago therapy helps bring awareness to these patterns.

3. Stages of relationships:

   1. The Romantic Phase:
      The "honeymoon" stage—intense connection, idealization, and infatuation.

   2. The Power Struggle:
      When differences emerge and unmet needs surface, triggering old wounds. Conflict is seen not as a problem, but as a signal for healing.

4. Conscious Relationship:
   A relationship where both partners are aware of their emotional triggers, take responsibility for their reactions, and commit to mutual healing and growth.

5. Conflict as Growth Opportunity
   Rather than viewing conflict as a sign of incompatibility, IRT sees it as a chance to heal. It’s in the "power struggle" phase of relationships where real transformation can occur.

Key Tools & Techniques

1. The Imago Dialogue (structured communication process):

   • Mirroring: Repeating back what your partner says to show understanding.

     • Ex. One partner reflects back what they heard ("Let me see if I got that...").

   • Validation: Acknowledging your partner’s perspective as valid, even if you disagree.

     • Ex. Acknowledging their perspective ("That makes sense because...").

   • Empathy: Expressing emotional resonance with your partner’s experience.

     • Ex. Connecting with the feeling behind the message ("I imagine you feel...").

2. Behavior Change Requests:
   Partners ask for specific, doable behaviors that would help them feel more loved, safe, or connected.

3. Childhood Wound Exploration:
   Understanding how early experiences shape current relationship dynamics.

4. Safety & Connection Focus:
   Emphasis on creating emotional safety, curiosity instead of judgment, and turning conflict into connection.

Who Is It For?

Imago is especially helpful for:

• Couples stuck in repetitive conflicts

• Relationships with communication breakdowns

• Those who want to deepen intimacy and empathy

• Partners healing from childhood or relational trauma

• Individuals in any stage of relationship (dating, married, separated)

• Even individuals can benefit (e.g., for self-discovery or preparing for future relationships)

Goals of Imago Therapy

• Shift blame and criticism into curiosity and compassion.

• Learn to communicate needs and feelings safely.

• Understand your own emotional triggers and those of your partner.

• Heal childhood wounds that impact your relationship.

• Develop deeper empathy, connection, and intimacy.

What Happens in Sessions

• Partners learn the Imago Dialogue and practice it regularly.

• The therapist helps identify core childhood wounds and patterns.

• Couples explore how unmet needs from childhood play out in the relationship.

• They set intentions for creating a "conscious relationship" rooted in healing.

Example Exercise

Intentional Dialogue Prompt
"One thing that’s been on my mind lately is..."
Partner mirrors, validates, and empathizes. Then they switch roles.

To learn more about IRT, check out Getting The Love You Want.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you are interested in IRT.

How Do You Know That You're Making The Right Choice Staying With Someone?

Deciding whether staying with someone is the right choice depends on a mix of logic, emotions, and personal values. There’s no perfect formula, but here are some key ways to evaluate your relationship:

1. How Do You Feel in the Relationship?

• Do you feel safe, respected, and emotionally supported?

• Can you be yourself without fear of judgment?

• Do you feel more at peace than stressed in their presence?

If the relationship is full of constant tension, anxiety, or self-doubt, that’s a sign to dig deeper.

2. Is There Mutual Effort & Growth?

• Are you both putting in effort to communicate and improve?

• Do you solve problems together rather than sweeping them under the rug?

• Have you seen growth in how you handle conflict, express needs, and support each other?

If only one person is doing the emotional work, that imbalance can create resentment.

3. Do You Like Who You Are in This Relationship?

• Does this person bring out the best or worst in you?

• Do you feel stronger and more confident, or do you feel like you’re constantly questioning yourself?

• Are you making compromises, or are you losing yourself?

4. Do You Stay Out of Love or Fear?

• Are you staying because you truly want to, or because you’re afraid of being alone, starting over, or hurting them?

• Do you stay because of guilt, obligation, or history, or because the relationship still has real joy and meaning?

5. Is This Relationship Meeting Your Needs?

• Are your emotional, physical, and companionship needs being met?

• Can you talk openly about needs without fear of rejection or anger?

6. Can You See a Future Together That You Truly Want?

• Not just because it’s comfortable, but because it’s fulfilling.

• Do you still share core values, goals, and vision for the future?

If the answer is mostly yes, then staying could be the right choice.
If there are a lot of no’s, then it might be time for a deeper conversation with yourself.

Contact Bee Blissful if you would like help in processing these questions.

Compulsive Behaviors as a Result of Infidelity

Compulsive behaviors are often a common response in relationships where there has been infidelity. In this article, the objective is to understand what compulsive behaviors are, in relation to infidelity, as well as highlight the impact of infidelity. Compulsive behaviors in relationships, such as tracking a partner’s location, installing cameras, or constant checking, often stem from anxiety, insecurity, past trauma, or betrayal. While these behaviors may feel like they provide control or reassurance, they often have negative consequences, including:

• Erosion of Trust – Constant monitoring signals a lack of trust and can make the partner feel controlled.

• Increased Anxiety – Instead of reducing worry, compulsive behaviors can reinforce insecurity, making the person feel more dependent on checking behaviors.

• Strained Communication – Partners may become defensive, leading to more arguments and emotional distance.

• Loss of Personal Freedom – Feeling constantly watched or controlled can lead to resentment and emotional withdrawal.

Breaking the Cycle of Compulsions

• Recognizing triggers for checking behaviors (e.g., fear of betrayal, past experiences).

• Practicing self-soothing techniques (e.g., deep breathing, journaling) instead of acting on compulsions.

• Open and honest communication rather than relying on control tactics.

• Seeking therapy to process underlying fears and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

The Impact of Infidelity on Relationships

Infidelity, whether physical or emotional, can deeply affect a relationship’s foundation. Some common emotional responses include:

• Betrayal Trauma – The hurt partner may feel a deep sense of violation and broken trust.

• Hypervigilance – A need to constantly check for signs of dishonesty or further betrayal.

• Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem – Questioning one's worth or attractiveness.

• Emotional Distance or Conflict – Some withdraw emotionally, while others lash out in anger.

• Compulsive Checking Behaviors – A reaction to the fear of being deceived again.

Healing After Infidelity

• Rebuilding Trust – Requires transparency, accountability, and consistent actions over time.

• Setting Boundaries – Defining what is acceptable behavior for both partners moving forward.

• Processing Emotions – Validating feelings of hurt, anger, and insecurity rather than suppressing them.

• Couples Therapy – A neutral space to rebuild communication and work on deeper relationship issues.

• Self-Care & Individual Healing – Addressing personal emotional wounds and regaining self-confidence.

Helpful Activities:

• Identify Triggers – Keep a journal of moments when the urge to track/check arises and what emotions are present.

• Replace Checking Behaviors – When the urge arises, practice a grounding technique instead (e.g., deep breathing, mindfulness).

• Reflect on Relationship Boundaries – Write down what healthy boundaries look like for trust and privacy.

• Write a Letter of Emotional Processing – Whether directed at oneself or the partner, express feelings in writing without immediately reacting.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like support in creating a personalized action plan to manage compulsive behaviors and build trust.

Meaningful Interactions to Rebuild Intimacy

Rebuilding intimacy and trust in a relationship requires consistent, intentional actions that foster emotional security, connection, and vulnerability. Here are some meaningful interactions a couple can implement:

1. Emotional Intimacy

• Daily Check-ins: Take a few minutes each day to ask, “How was your day?” or “How are you really feeling today?”

• Active Listening: Show genuine interest by putting away distractions and making eye contact when your partner speaks.

• Express Appreciation: Verbally acknowledge and express gratitude for small gestures and qualities you admire in your partner.

2. Physical Intimacy (Non-Sexual & Sexual)

• Non-Sexual Touch: Hugging, hand-holding, cuddling, and small touches throughout the day build connection.

• Intentional Affection: Set aside moments for affectionate physical closeness without pressure for it to lead to sex.

• Slow Intimacy Rebuilding: If trust has been broken, establish mutual comfort levels and take intimacy at a pace that feels safe for both partners.

3. Trust-Building Actions

• Follow Through on Promises: Keeping even small commitments helps reinforce reliability and security.

• Transparency: Be open about feelings, concerns, and actions to reduce suspicion and increase trust.

• Reassurance & Validation: If there has been betrayal or insecurity, gentle reassurance (e.g., "I love you, and I’m committed to this") can help rebuild confidence.

4. Quality Time & Shared Experiences

• Date Nights: Regularly schedule time together doing something enjoyable, whether at home or out.

• New Shared Activities: Try something new together, such as a hobby, class, or traveling, to create fresh, positive memories.

• Tech-Free Time: Dedicate moments without screens to be fully present with each other.

5. Open & Honest Communication

• Vulnerability Exercises: Share fears, hopes, and personal stories to deepen emotional intimacy.

• Conflict Resolution Practice: Use “I statements” (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”) and focus on problem-solving rather than blame.

• Couples Journaling: Write letters or journal entries to express emotions that may be hard to verbalize.

6. Acts of Service & Thoughtfulness

• Small Thoughtful Gestures: Surprise your partner with their favorite coffee, a heartfelt note, or helping with a task they dislike.

• Love Language Awareness: Understand and actively practice expressing love in the way your partner best receives it.

• Acts of Repair: If trust was broken, intentionally show through consistent actions that you are working toward healing.

Would you like suggestions tailored to a specific relationship situation?

Sometimes, it’s difficult to differentiate between the two. If you like help identifying your specific needs in a relationship, or if you would you like help identifying specific needs in your own relationship dynamic, contact Bee Blissful today.

How To Stay Motivated in Couples Counseling

Getting motivated to use skills learned in therapy can be challenging for couples, but a structured plan can help them stay on track. Here’s a step-by-step plan to boost their motivation and engagement:

1. Revisit the “Why”

Goal: Remind them why they started therapy and the benefits they seek.

• Action: Ask each partner to write down their personal reasons for attending therapy and what a successful relationship looks like to them.

• Discussion: Share these reasons with each other to strengthen their commitment.

2. Set small, achievable goals

Goal: Make using therapy skills feel manageable.

• Action: Choose one or two specific skills to focus on each week (e.g., active listening, “I” statements, or emotion regulation techniques).

• Example: Practice reflective listening during one conversation each day.

3. Create a skills calendar

Goal: Build consistency without overwhelm.

• Action: Develop a weekly calendar with 10-15 minute slots to practice skills.

• Example:

  • Monday: Practice deep breathing before a difficult conversation.

  • Wednesday: Use “I feel” statements to discuss a minor issue.

• Bonus: Check off completed tasks for a sense of accomplishment.

4. Use positive reinforcement

Goal: Encourage continued effort.

• Action: Acknowledge each other’s attempts to use new skills with appreciation, not criticism.

• Example: “I really appreciate how you listened to me without interrupting earlier.”

5. Reflect on progress weekly

Goal: Stay motivated by noticing improvements.

• Action: Set aside 15 minutes each week to reflect together.

  • Questions:

    • What skill worked well this week?

    • What was challenging?

    • How did it make each of us feel?

• Adjustment: Decide if any skills need more practice or if new ones should be added.

6. Make it fun!

Goal: Reduce the heaviness of “homework.”

• Action: Turn practice into a game or a challenge.

• Example: A “no-interrupting” challenge during dinner, with a fun reward for success.

7. Seek accountability support

Goal: Encourage follow-through without nagging.

• Action: Use a code word to remind each other to use a skill without sounding critical.

• Example: Agree on a neutral word like “pause” to signal when one partner is getting reactive.

8. Reconnect with your therapist, as needed

Goal: Maintain momentum and troubleshoot roadblocks.

• Action: Schedule a mid-point check-in with the therapist to discuss challenges and adjust strategies.

This plan balances structure with flexibility and emphasizes positive reinforcement to keep both partners motivated. Would you like to focus more on any part of this plan? 😊Contact Bee Blissful today if some of these activities sound helpful for your situation, or you would like more assistance in building trust in your relationship.

Trust Building Activities for Couples

Trust-building activities are exercises or experiences designed to strengthen relationships, improve communication, and build trust among team members, friends, or partners. These activities help people understand each other better, promote openness, and create a sense of safety and reliability.

For relationship counseling, trust-building activities should focus on improving communication, fostering vulnerability, and rebuilding emotional safety between partners. Here are some effective trust-building activities for couples in a counseling setting:

💖 1. The Appreciation Game

How it works:

• Sit facing each other and take turns sharing something you genuinely appreciate about your partner.

• Be specific, like, "I appreciate how you always make me coffee in the morning" rather than a general compliment.

• Do this for at least five rounds each.

Why it helps:

• Reinforces positive feelings and helps partners feel seen and valued.

💖 2. The Vulnerability Jar

How it works:

• Write down questions that encourage openness (e.g., "What’s a fear you’ve never shared with me?" or "When did you feel most loved by me?").

• Take turns drawing a question and answering honestly.

• Listen without interrupting or judging.

Why it helps:

• Promotes deeper understanding and empathy.

💖 3. The Trust Jar

How it works:

• Get a jar and some marbles or coins.

• Each time your partner does something that builds trust (keeping a promise, being open about feelings), add a marble to the jar.

• Watch the jar fill up as a visual reminder of growing trust.

Why it helps:

• Reinforces positive behaviors and shows that small actions matter.

💖 4. Mirror Exercise

How it works:

• One partner speaks about their feelings on a specific issue for a few minutes.

• The other partner repeats what they heard without adding their own opinion: "What I hear you saying is..."

• Switch roles and repeat.

Why it helps:

• Enhances active listening and makes each partner feel understood.

💖 5. 20-Minute Connection Time

How it works:

• Dedicate 20 minutes each day to talk without distractions (no phones, TV, or kids).

• Focus on sharing about your day, feelings, or anything positive. Avoid problem-solving or bringing up conflicts.

Why it helps:

• Strengthens emotional intimacy and trust through regular, focused connection.

💖 6. The Apology and Forgiveness Exercise

How it works:

• Take turns apologizing for a past mistake, using “I’m sorry for...” and explain why it was hurtful.

• The other partner responds with either acceptance or a request for more clarity.

• Focus on understanding, not defending.

Why it helps:

• Encourages accountability and shows a commitment to rebuilding trust.

💖 7. Love Maps (Inspired by Dr. John Gottman)

How it works:

• Ask each other questions to discover more about your partner's inner world. Examples:

  • "What’s your biggest current stress?"

  • "Who’s your closest friend right now?"

• The goal is to update your knowledge of each other’s world regularly.

Why it helps:

• Shows that you care about each other’s experiences and emotions.

💖 8. Eye Gazing Exercise

How it works:

• Sit comfortably and look into each other’s eyes without talking for 2-5 minutes.

• Breathe deeply and stay present.

• Discuss how it felt afterward.

Why it helps:

• Deepens intimacy and creates a non-verbal connection.

💖 9. Goal Setting for the Relationship

How it works:

• Each partner writes down 3 short-term and 3 long-term goals for the relationship.

• Share and discuss them openly, finding common ground and differences.

• Choose one goal to work on together first.

Why it helps:

• Aligns visions for the future and strengthens teamwork and trust.

💖 10. The Reassurance Ritual

How it works:

• Create a simple, repeatable ritual for moments of insecurity (e.g., a specific phrase like “I’m here for you” or a hug).

• Use it consistently when one partner feels vulnerable.

Why it helps:

• Builds security and predictability, reinforcing trust.

Contact Bee Blissful today if some of these activities sound helpful for your situation, or you would like more assistance in building trust in your relationship.

Guided Bonding Activities to Rebuild Emotional Intimacy

Guided bonding activities help couples reconnect, rebuild trust, and deepen emotional intimacy. Here are some structured activities to foster emotional closeness:

1. 36 Questions to Fall in Love

• Based on research by Dr. Arthur Aron, these questions help couples build intimacy by gradually increasing vulnerability.

• Set aside uninterrupted time, take turns answering, and maintain eye contact.

• Example: “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”

2. Relationship Vision Exercise

• Each partner separately writes down their vision for the ideal relationship (communication, affection, shared goals).

• Share and discuss similarities and differences to align future aspirations.

3. Daily Appreciation Ritual

• Every night, share three things you appreciate about each other.

• Helps shift focus from frustrations to gratitude.

4. Shared Playlist Creation

• Make a playlist of songs that remind you of your love story or meaningful moments.

• Listen to it together while cooking, relaxing, or on a drive.

5. The 6-Second Kiss Challenge (from the Gottman Institute)

• Instead of a quick peck, kiss for at least 6 seconds daily.

• Encourages physical intimacy and emotional connection.

6. Weekly "State of the Union" Check-In

• Set aside 30–60 minutes to discuss relationship strengths, challenges, and needs.

• Use structured prompts:

  • “What made you feel loved this week?”

  • “Is there anything I can do to support you better?”

7. Memory Lane Date Night

• Look at old pictures, watch wedding videos, or revisit meaningful places.

• Reminiscing activates positive emotions tied to your history together.

8. Love Letter Exchange

• Write heartfelt letters expressing gratitude, admiration, and love.

• Read them to each other or leave them in surprise places.

9. Guided Touch & Affection Exercise

• Set aside time for intentional physical connection (e.g., holding hands, hugging for 20 seconds, giving each other massages).

• Helps rebuild non-sexual physical intimacy.

10. Novel Experience Challenge

• Try something new together (cooking class, dance lessons, escape room, or a spontaneous road trip).

• Shared new experiences release dopamine, strengthening the bond.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like help tailoring these to your specific relationship needs.

“State of the Union'“ Check-Ins

"State of the Union" check-ins are structured conversations that couples use to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and address concerns before they become major issues. These check-ins, popularized by relationship experts like Drs. John and Julie Gottman, provide a safe and intentional space to discuss emotions, needs, and relationship dynamics.

How to Conduct a "State of the Union" Check-In

Schedule a Regular Time

• Set aside dedicated time weekly or biweekly, free from distractions.

• Choose a comfortable, private setting where you can openly communicate.

Start with Appreciation

• Each partner shares something they appreciate about the other.

• Example: “I really loved how you supported me this week when I was stressed.”

Check-In on Emotional & Relationship Well-Being

• Discuss how each person is feeling emotionally.

• Questions to ask:

  • “How connected do you feel to me this week?”

  • “What’s something that went well for us as a couple?”

Address Any Concerns or Tensions

• Use non-blaming language to bring up any issues.

• Example: “I felt a little distant from you this week, and I’d love to spend more quality time together.”

• Focus on problem-solving, not attacking.

Discuss Relationship Goals & Needs

• Talk about future plans, personal growth, and shared goals.

• Example: “I’d love to plan a date night this week to reconnect.”

End on a Positive Note

• Reaffirm your commitment and love for each other.

• Example: “I appreciate you being open in this conversation, and I love you.”

Why It’s Beneficial

• Strengthens emotional connection and trust.

• Prevents resentment from building over unresolved issues.

• Creates a habit of healthy communication.

• Encourages growth as a couple.

Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like suggestions on how to customize a check-in based on specific relationship challenges.

Individual Needs Vs. Relationship Needs

From a therapeutic perspective, it is important to be able to differentiate between individual needs and relationship needs. This helps to strengthen the emotional connection and reinforce relationship satisfaction.

Individual needs in relationships are the emotional, psychological, and practical elements that each person requires to feel secure, valued, and fulfilled. These needs vary based on personality, past experiences, and relationship dynamics but typically include:

1. Emotional Needs

• Love & Affection: Feeling cherished through words, physical touch, and gestures.

• Validation & Appreciation: Knowing that your feelings, efforts, and experiences are acknowledged.

• Security & Trust: Feeling emotionally safe and confident in your partner’s commitment.

• Empathy & Understanding: Having a partner who listens and genuinely seeks to understand your emotions.

2. Communication Needs

• Open & Honest Dialogue: Being able to express thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

• Active Listening: Feeling heard and understood during conversations.

• Conflict Resolution: Healthy ways of addressing disagreements without avoidance or aggression.

3. Autonomy & Personal Growth

• Independence: Having space to pursue hobbies, friendships, and personal interests.

• Support for Goals: A partner who encourages career, education, and self-improvement aspirations.

• Respect for Boundaries: Knowing that personal limits are honored and not dismissed.

4. Physical & Intimacy Needs

• Affection & Touch: Hugs, kisses, and other forms of physical closeness that foster connection.

• Sexual Compatibility: Feeling satisfied and emotionally connected in intimate moments.

• Physical Presence: Spending quality time together and sharing experiences.

5. Practical & Lifestyle Needs

• Shared Responsibilities: A balanced approach to chores, finances, and life planning.

• Reliability & Dependability: Trusting that your partner will follow through on commitments.

• Lifestyle Compatibility: Similar views on parenting, finances, and long-term plans.

When these needs go unmet, individuals may feel neglected, resentful, or disconnected. A healthy relationship involves mutual awareness and effort to meet each other’s needs while maintaining individual identity and personal fulfillment.

Relationship needs are the essential emotional, psychological, and practical elements that foster a healthy, fulfilling, and sustainable connection between partners. When these needs are met, the relationship thrives; when unmet, it can lead to frustration, conflict, or disconnection. Relationship needs are the core elements of a healthy partnership. They include:

1. Emotional Needs

• Love & Affection: Feeling loved, cherished, and valued through words, actions, and touch.

• Security & Trust: Knowing your partner is reliable, loyal, and emotionally safe.

• Validation & Appreciation: Feeling seen, heard, and appreciated for who you are.

• Empathy & Understanding: Having a partner who listens, validates emotions, and tries to understand your perspective.

2. Communication Needs

• Honest & Open Dialogue: Being able to share thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment.

• Active Listening: Feeling heard and understood when expressing emotions or frustrations.

• Constructive Conflict Resolution: Addressing disagreements in a healthy and respectful manner.

3. Physical & Intimacy Needs

• Affection & Touch: Non-sexual and sexual physical closeness that fosters emotional connection.

• Sexual Compatibility: A mutual understanding of intimacy preferences and desires.

• Quality Time Together: Shared experiences and meaningful interactions that strengthen the bond.

4. Autonomy & Independence Needs

• Personal Space: The ability to maintain individuality while being in a committed relationship.

• Support for Growth: Encouragement in personal goals, career aspirations, and self-improvement.

• Respect for Boundaries: Acknowledging and honoring personal limits without guilt or resentment.

5. Shared Goals & Lifestyle Needs

• Mutual Life Vision: Alignment on long-term goals, such as marriage, children, and financial planning.

• Shared Responsibilities: A fair and balanced approach to chores, decision-making, and life planning.

• Consistency & Reliability: Knowing you can count on your partner for support and commitment.

A fulfilling relationship requires mutual awareness and effort to meet each other’s needs while respecting individual differences. Open communication and intentional actions help ensure both partners feel valued, secure, and emotionally fulfilled.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to differentiate between the two. If you would like help identifying your specific needs in a relationship, or if you would like help identifying specific needs in your own relationship dynamic, contact Bee Blissful today.