Dealing With Rigid Boundaries
Dealing with someone who has rigid boundaries can be frustrating, especially when you're trying to build connection, flexibility, or collaboration. Rigid boundaries often come from fear, past trauma, control needs, or a strong sense of self-protection. Here’s a breakdown of how to approach it with empathy without giving up your own needs:
Dealing with someone who has rigid boundaries can be frustrating, especially when you're trying to build connection, flexibility, or collaboration. Rigid boundaries often come from fear, past trauma, control needs, or a strong sense of self-protection. Here’s a breakdown of how to approach it with empathy without giving up your own needs:
What Rigid Boundaries Might Look Like:
Refusing to compromise or negotiate
Withdrawing instead of engaging
Avoiding vulnerability or emotional intimacy
Overly strict about roles, expectations, or space
Dismissing your needs or feedback
Understand What’s Driving the Rigidity
People with rigid boundaries are often protecting themselves from:
Being overwhelmed
Feeling out of control
Fear of enmeshment or abandonment
Past experiences where their boundaries were violated
Tip: Treat the boundary like a defense mechanism, not a character flaw.
Stay Grounded in Your Own Boundaries
Don’t collapse your needs to “accommodate” theirs. Instead:
Clarify your own values and boundaries
Stay emotionally regulated
Avoid getting pulled into power struggles
You can say:
“I respect that you need space/time/structure—and I also need space to express how this impacts me.”
Use Collaborative, Non-Threatening Language
When people feel safe, they’re more likely to soften.
Instead of:
“You’re being inflexible”
Try:“I’m wondering if we can explore a middle ground that works for both of us.”
“Would you be open to talking about this with curiosity, not pressure?”
Keep it curious, not corrective.
Acknowledge Their Boundary First
This helps them feel seen, which increases the chance they’ll soften over time.
“I can tell it’s really important to you to protect your time/space/energy. I’m not trying to take that away—I just want to better understand how we can stay connected too.”
Be Patient, but Don’t Self-Abandon
If this is someone you have to keep engaging with (partner, co-parent, family), remember:
Change takes time—especially if their boundaries are trauma-based.
You can honor their limits without tiptoeing around them.
If their rigidity becomes controlling, punishing, or dismissive, it's okay to say:
“I respect your boundary, but I also need relationships where there's mutual flexibility and care. I’m not asking you to change overnight—but I do need us to talk about how we relate.”
If It’s Toxic Rigidity (Stonewalling, Control, Dismissiveness):
You may need firmer action:
Set consequences: “If you shut down every time I express a need, I’ll need to pause these conversations.”
Use support systems: therapy, mediation, or distance if needed.
Protect your mental health.
Contact Bee Blissful today if you would like help dealing with a person who has rigid boundaries.