Come Back to Your Values
Values: The Compass for Every Struggle
There’s a simple truth I often share with clients:
“If you don’t know what you truly value, you’ll always default back to what you’re struggling with.”
When we’re tired, triggered, or overwhelmed, our minds instinctively return to familiar patterns — avoidance, control, numbing, perfectionism, or self-criticism. These responses feel automatic because, in the absence of direction, the brain defaults to survival.
Values work gives us something stronger than survival — it gives us intention.
Why Values Matter
Values are the compass points that guide us toward what’s meaningful — the kind of person we want to be, the life we want to live, and the way we want to show up when things get hard.
When you’re connected to your values, you can experience pain or urges without losing yourself in them.
You can be tempted, reactive, or uncertain — and still choose to return to what matters most.
The Default Loop
When we’re unclear about what we value, our minds go on autopilot.
We:
Overthink or seek control.
Avoid discomfort by numbing or people-pleasing.
Chase short-term relief instead of long-term meaning.
These patterns reinforce suffering — not because we’re weak, but because we’re disconnected from purpose.
The mind loves clarity, and without it, it will choose comfort over growth every time.
Returning to Your Values
Intentional living doesn’t mean being perfect. It means learning to pause and say:
“I’m struggling right now… but I know what matters to me.”
That simple shift brings agency back online. When we reconnect to values, we create a choice point — the moment between reaction and response where healing happens.
Be tempted… but come back to your values.
Struggle with an urge… but come back to your values.
Get lost in a thought… and gently return to your values.
Every time you come back, you’re reinforcing a new neural pathway: one rooted in meaning, not fear.
How to Identify Your Values
Start with questions like:
“What qualities do I want to embody, even on hard days?”
“What kind of friend, partner, parent, or person do I want to be?”
“If I couldn’t fail, what would I want my life to stand for?”
Write down 3–5 values that feel alive for you — not what you think you should value, but what genuinely resonates.
(Examples: connection, honesty, balance, compassion, growth, service, creativity, authenticity.)
Turn Values Into Coping Skills
Your values aren’t abstract ideals — they’re coping anchors.
Once you’ve identified them, list the activities or habits that reflect each one.
Those behaviors are your built-in coping strategies.
When you feel stuck or triggered, look at your list and choose one small behavior that honors a value.
That’s how you pivot from reaction to alignment.
Values Are the “Come Back” Point
You will be tempted. You will get distracted. You’ll struggle with urges and old habits.
That’s okay — that’s being human.
The goal isn’t to eliminate struggle; it’s to anchor yourself in what matters most when struggle shows up.
Every time you return to your values, you’re practicing resilience — the kind that doesn’t depend on perfection or control, but on awareness and intention.
So when life pulls you off course, remember:
You can always come back to your values.
They are your compass home.
Here are some helpful materials:
Helpful Literature: The Illustrated Happiness Trap by Russ Harris & Bev Aisbett
Contact Bee Blissful today if you believe that you need to realign with your values.
